Journal Numero Quatre.
Hi. I’m Ali, and I’m busy.
It feels good to finally be involved in everything around me; heck, it feels good to finally be wordpressing after delaying such a long-awaited [for me, at least] post. But I do have to admit that with every up there’s a down. I think that I can sense a tidal surge of stress headed straight for my… well, head. And I’m kind of terrified at what the future brings. I honestly thought that my phobia of growing up had disappeared, but I can say in all honesty now that I still worry about myself — how I’m going to look, be, act, react — with regard to the time that lies ahead. What will happen to me in the next month or two? What about in February, when UF results come back? And over the summer, will I still be working at In Unison Uniforms? The following fall, will I be at my favorite university?
I don’t really know what I’m actually talking about but I think that you might be able to understand anyway.
Basically, I need to relax.
But the other basically, is the fact that every time I think I have a moment to relax, I realize that there’s something else that needs to be done. Anything else, but there’s always something. Homework, mostly, but now it’s photography for the class and brainstorming ideas for the church [which I feel bad for not contributing as much lately] and tutoring for MAO as well as two other kids, and working three days a week while still trying to find an hour’s worth of utter nothing-ness.
I probably don’t have as much on my plate as a lot of other people, but in the last three years I’ve just been serving myself appetizers. I stepped up the plate this year and am trying to eat an entrée, possibly with dessert.
And I think I’m afraid that my stomach is just going to explode.
So for now, I listen to John Mayer and calmly type up a Beowulf essay. Physics comes after, and then I can somewhat chill out when I start creating something for photo class.
I need to learn how to take little bites at a time.
But firstly, I need to trust God. I need to firmly believe that He will never hand me something I can’t do, that He will never burden me with 8000 pounds over my limit, and that He will always take care of me. And I do believe it. But I need to try harder. Try and practice, try and practice, and accomplish.
“Who knows what will be, but I’ll make you this guarantee
No way November will see our goodbye…
Come January we’re frozen inside making new resolutions one hundred times…
And we’ll both be safe ’til St. Patrick’s day.”
